


Funny Meeting You Here

by Aelia_Gioia



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-26 01:56:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20035978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelia_Gioia/pseuds/Aelia_Gioia
Summary: “Nice night,” he said to David without looking away from the Leafs game playing on one of the TVs over the bar.“Yeah it is,” David replied a little too quickly. They caught each other’s eye and laughed nervously. The other man held his hand out.“Patrick.”“David, hi.” They shook hands.





	Funny Meeting You Here

The bar was so crowded, he had stopped watching the door; he wouldn’t have been able to see if his date arrived anyway. So he sat on a stool, nursing his second vodka soda. Any time someone attempted to sit on the empty stool next to him, he flung his arm out and put his hand possessively on the red leather seat.

  
“Sorry, taken. I’m waiting for someone.”

  
He’d lost count of how many times he’d said it. He checked his phone, the guy was 25 minutes late, no missed calls or texts. Finally, he smelled a devastatingly attractive cologne and one side of his lips curled up into a smirk.

  
“Mind if I sit here?”

  
David turned towards the voice and the first thing that caught his eye was the handsome face of the man standing next to him. His fair skin, light eyes and curly auburn hair were set off by the pale blue button down he wore. David’s mouth went dry and he temporarily forgot how to speak.

  
_“Sprechen sie Deutsch?” _

  
He laughed and took a small sip of his drink. “Sorry, yeah. Um, have a seat.”

  
The man nodded his thanks and sat. He ordered a beer and tapped his fingertips on the bartop while he waited for it.

  
“Nice night,” he said to David without looking away from the Leafs game playing on one of the TVs over the bar.

  
“Yeah it is,” David replied a little too quickly. They caught each other’s eye and laughed nervously. The other man held his hand out.

  
“Patrick.”

  
“David, hi.” They shook hands.

  
Patrick noticed that David was flicking absently through some entertainment news magazine app on his phone, completely disinterested in the goings on around them.

  
“You don’t strike me as a hockey fan, David,” Patrick said. He’d gone back to watching the game. He groaned into the neck of his beer bottle; the Leafs goalie allowed the puck to slip just past his glove side, the gap in the score widened, 4-2.

  
“Huh?” David looked up towards the screen, he hadn’t noticed there was a game on. “Oh. No I’m not.”

  
Patrick shrugged a shoulder. “I won’t hold that against you.”

  
David saw him smirk out of the corner of his eye.

  
“So, what are you doing sitting at a sports bar by yourself not watching the Leafs lose to the Bruins?” Patrick dug his fingernail underneath the seam of the paper label wrapped around his beer bottle. He slowly peeled the label off in nearly one big piece.

  
“I was…that is, I _am_ – waiting for my date. He’s late.”

David tipped his glass up to his mouth, tasted the watered down remainder of his drink and crushed an ice cube between his molars.

  
“Late, huh? That’s a shame.” Patrick checked his watch and took a long drink from the bottle, finishing it off. A commercial break sent several men sitting at the bar rushing to the restroom.

  
“I’m beginning to think he isn’t coming,” David confessed.

  
Patrick waved to the bartender who acknowledged him and popped the cap off another beer bottle.

  
“Lucky me, then.” Patrick nudged his elbow, trying to get David to look up.

  
David bristled at the comment. “No one’s forcing you to keep me company, you know.”

  
Patrick chuckled. “Hey, I wasn’t being sarcastic.”

  
David rolled his eyes, scoffing.

  
“Can I get you another drink?” Patrick pointed to David’s empty glass. David looked at him with his head tilted. Patrick’s hazel eyes held a bit of mischief, a bit of playfulness in them that David found intriguing.

  
“Sure.”

  
“Great,” Patrick got the bartender’s attention. “One catch though.”

  
David’s dander started to go up. This guy was dancing on the line of ‘confident' and ‘jackass'.

  
“What’s the catch? I’ve already had a couple of drinks, Patrick. I don't need another one.”

  
Patrick chuckled and pulled David’s phone out of his grasp, set the lock screen and put it into his own back pocket. David sat there with an eyebrow raised, his lips pursed and smooshed over to one side. He normally would have protested having his phone taken from his hands, but he was intrigued.

  
“I’ll just hold onto this for you. Since you asked, _I_ came out tonight to watch my team win,” he said gesturing with two fingers up at the TV. “As they are losing to a team I have literally hated my entire life, I need a new means of entertainment.”

  
_ Who does this guy think he is?_ David thought to himself.

  
“How about we play pool?” Patrick suggested. He looked to the back of the bar, no one was using either of the pool tables.

  
David turned and followed Patrick’s eye line. He saw the pool tables and shrugged. “I’m not so great at geometry,” he said quietly.

  
Patrick pursed his lips and looked to the wall beyond the pool tables. “Ok, how do you feel about Cricket?”

  
David grinned. “Cricket, I can do.”

  
The bartender gave David his fresh drink and Patrick traded his ID in exchange for three darts with red fins and three darts with blue. David pulled the red darts out of Patrick’s hand and poked him in the shoulder with his pointer finger.

  
“Prepare to be embarrassed.”

  
“Ok. Do your worst.”

  
As they stood in front of the dartboard, both men tried to line up their first shot at the same time, they bumped elbows and stepped back.

  
“Oh, sorry - “ Patrick said.

  
“I...I like to shoot first,” David said. Patrick offered him a tight smile with a hint of a laugh.

  
“I’m glad to know that about you, David,” he joked.

  
David rolled his eyes playfully. “Ok, you know what? Let’s flip a coin.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a quarter. He balanced it on his thumb and got ready to toss it in the air. “Tops or bottoms?”

  
Patrick swallowed a laugh. “You mean heads or tails?”

  
“Sure. Whatever, same thing.”

  
Patrick grinned. “Ok, have it your way. Tops.”

  
David nodded decisively and tossed the coin. Patrick watched it fly end over end before David grabbed it out of the air and slapped it down on the back of his hand. They made eye contact and Patrick lifted his chin. David moved his hand and smirked.

  
“I told you I liked to shoot first.” In spite of himself, he winked and Patrick chuckled, shaking his head.

  
David toed up to the scuffed white duct tape mark on the floor and concentrated. He pointed the dart fins out at the board to line up his shot. He drew his arm back, and rolled the steel barrel back and forth between his fingers before letting it fly.

  
Patrick’s eyes bugged as the dart made contact with the red strip at the very top of the dartboard.

  
“Triple 20 for me,” David said marking the scoreboard with a circle next to the 20. He added his first initial to the column on the left and a lowercase P to the column on the right.

  
He exhaled and aimed his second dart the way he’d done the first time.

  
“Wow. Ok. Nice.” Patrick raised his eyebrows in surprise.

  
David threw his third dart and nodded his head at his handiwork. Going back to the scoreboard he drew a hash mark next to the number 18 and another next to the 15. He gave Patrick a glance over his shoulder before pulling the darts from the board and moved out of the way so Patrick could take his turn.

  
Patrick tried to exude confidence as he took his first shot but that minimal amount of confidence crumbled around his feet when the dart bounced off the black outer rim and stuck in the floorboard. He willed himself not to turn around to see David’s expression.

  
He took his second and third shots with slightly better results. He pulled his two darts from the board and one from the floor and when he turned around, David had drawn hash marks next to the 15 and 16 for him.

  
“Not bad,” David shrugged.

  
“Drinks, guys?”

  
They both turned toward the voice of the petite server with a long brown braid down her back.

  
“Sleeman’s, please. And a vodka soda,” Patrick replied. He didn’t see David’s tremendous effort to suppress his smirk.

  
Play resumed and David hit the triple 17, a single 19 and a double 15. Patrick volleyed with a triple 19 (it counted either way but it was a complete stroke of stupid luck), a single 20 and a complete dud that buried itself in the black outer board.

  
“You’re too stiff,” David observed as he sipped his drink.

  
Patrick looked back at him over his shoulder with two of his three darts in his hand.

  
“Funny, I’ve never had that problem before.”

  
David smiled and shook his head as he motioned Patrick over to him with both hands.

  
“Come here. Let me show you something.”

  
Patrick tugged the third dart from the board and approached David. He twirled his pointer finger in a circle, indicating Patrick should turn around. He obeyed, looking down at the floor and put his toe on the white tape mark.

  
“It’s your turn, not mine,” Patrick began to protest but his breath caught in his throat feeling David press up behind him. His hand rested on Patrick’s stomach, pulling his abdomen in. David put his hand on the back of Patrick’s, lifting the dart up to aim.

  
“We’ll call this a practice shot then,” David’s breath was hot in Patrick’s ear. Patrick cleared his throat.

  
“Look at the board. Point the dart where you want it to go,” David instructed. His groin gently pressed up against Patrick’s ass.

  
“Mmhmm...”

  
“Now, relax your arm.” David shook his hand, making Patrick’s arm wiggle loosely. “Take a deep breath, constrict your diaphragm.”

  
David pushed Patrick’s stomach in and took the opportunity to slightly grind against him. His bottom lip dragged against Patrick’s neck as he whispered his final instruction.

  
“Now exhale when you release the dart.”

  
Patrick wet his lips and stroked the back of David’s hand, still holding him fast around the waist. He blew the breath out of his mouth and threw the dart.  
It smacked directly in the triple 17 slot.

  
“Good boy,” David said softly, patting Patrick on the shoulder. He drew a circle next to the 17 in Patrick’s column.

  
“That’s cheating, it wasn’t my turn.” Patrick rubbed the back of his neck, wondering how much longer he was supposed to wait before he could pin David against a wall and bury his tongue in his mouth. He knew the other man was thinking the same thing. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes.

  
“I won’t tell the Cricket Police if you don’t,” David responded as he bit his lower lip.

  
The game continued and Patrick’s performance improved as they continued to drink but David was ahead 33 to 19. With his very last shot, Patrick hit the outer bull’s eye, earning an additional 25 points.

  
He turned to David who was standing with his back to the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He tilted his head and pouted his lip out, impressed.

  
“The student has surpassed the teacher,” Patrick grinned and took three slow steps over to David. His leg found its way between David’s knees.

  
“Overconfidence isn’t terribly attractive,” David remarked with a raised eyebrow.

  
“It’s simple math, David,” Patrick leaned in impossibly closer. “You can’t possibly beat me now.”

  
“I could always point out that trip 17 you have there wasn’t technically scored during gameplay. It was a practice shot, remember?”

  
“Mm, I supposed you could.” The tip of Patrick’s nose traced David’s jawline and he softly kissed his neck. He felt David’s body shiver and squirm against him.

  
“Don’t worry Patrick,” David whispered. “You’re getting laid, win or lose.”

  
He couldn’t resist it another second, he just had to kiss David. He lifted his chin and cupped his cheek. David smirked a second before their lips made contact. Patrick’s mouth was ice cold and tasted like beer. He licked the roof of Patrick’s mouth and felt the vibrations of his deep throated moan.

  
Patrick tugged him to the exit by his wrist. He pushed David against the wall next to the front door and poked him in the chest with his finger.

  
“You stay right there.”

  
He paid their tab and got his ID back from the bartender. As they left, the majority of the bar patrons cheered riotously. While David and Patrick were playing darts, the Leafs had tied the game and they just scored another point. With only a few minutes left to play, they had almost surely secured the win.

  
Not that Patrick cared anymore.

  
With only one thing on his mind as they stumbled together into the packed parking lot, he couldn't remember where the car was. His head began to swivel around, searching for his white Hyundai. David made the search even more difficult, wrapping his arms loosely around Patrick's neck and planting soft, teasing kisses on his cheeks and his mouth.

  
Finally, Patrick spotted the fading Blue Jays bumper sticker on his car's rear window. He pulled his keys from his pocket and hit the remote start button on his black fob. The engine roared to life and Patrick gripped David’s ass, pulled his body firmly against him and rutted his hips. David gasped and his eyes went dark when his pupils opened all the way up.

  
Patrick had never been so happy about the full tint on the windows of his car. Unless someone was purposely trying to see them through the wind shield, they were wholly obscured from prying eyes.

  
As soon as both doors were shut, David was fumbling with the switch on the side of the seat to make it recline. Patrick's hands were everywhere all at once; one on the back of his head and one up underneath his sweater, stroking his chest hair and pinching his nipples.

  
He found the switch and Patrick groaned his approval. He was kissing David’s mouth so completely and forcefully; he was grateful to be seated. Their tongues lapped at each other and David made the short, breathy moans that filled Patrick with unquenchable desire. He held David against the headrest and started to claw into his jeans. To his immediate frustration, David swatted his hands away.

  
“Patrick – Patrick…” he moaned.

  
“What?” Patrick’s voice was raspy and low as he started sucking hard on David's neck, threatening to leave purple marks but stopping just short.

  
“Drive. Bed. Please.”

  
Satisfied that he’d rendered David completely incapable of forming actual sentences, Patrick placed a final, firm kiss to David’s mouth, checked his mirrors and shifted into reverse.

  
David had to practically glue himself to the passenger seat to keep from stroking Patrick's cock as they drove. He returned the seat to the standard position and adjusted his dick over his pants.

  
_Now would be a really bad time for a car wreck_.

  
They lost a solid ten minutes making out in the car again after Patrick pulled into the driveway. David had unbuttoned Patrick’s shirt low enough to expose his collarbone. He tugged aside the sleeveless t-shirt he was wearing to lick and suck on the skin he found there, salty with sweat.

  
“David - David,” Patrick moaned pushing David away by his upper arms. “Let’s go upstairs.”

  
They only just managed to keep their hands off each other until they were up in the bedroom. David pushed himself up behind Patrick and held his waist. He traced his tongue up the curve of his ear and let his hands wander to unbuckle his belt. He flicked the button of his fly open and pushed his hand into Patrick’s tight aubergine boxer briefs. Patrick gasped as David’s icy fingers made contact with his cock.

  
“I can’t wait to have this big dick in me, Patrick. Are you going to make me wait much longer?” David purred and sent a chill straight through him.

  
Patrick pursed his lips, holding back the smile that was fighting to push through.

  
“Have I ever made you wait too long, Babe?” He turned slowly and ran his hands underneath David’s sweater as he pulled him close and pushed his tongue between his teeth.

  
David groaned and pulled Patrick’s shirt the rest of the way open, tossing it to the floor. Patrick made quick work of David’s sweater and handed it to him. He crossed his arms at the hem of his t-shirt, preparing to pull it off but David coughed and stopped him.

  
“Leave that on.”

  
Patrick cocked his head and nodded. David bit his upper lip, admiring the bulge of Patrick’s erection as he unbuckled his own pants.

  
“’You don't strike me as a hockey fan,’” David said, mimicking Patrick’s voice. “Weak. Really weak.” He stuck his tongue out at him as he neatly folded his sweater and put it on his half of the bureau.

  
Patrick shrugged with a grin as he sat at the edge of their bed.

  
“Not my best ice breaker, but hey - it worked, didn’t it?” He motioned with one finger, beckoning him toward the bed.

  
“Mmhmm. It worked alright.” David slithered out of his pants and boxers, squeezing himself at the root before he made the short walk over. Patrick spread his legs apart and David stood between them, lovingly combing his fingers through Patrick’s curly hair with one hand. The other hand was on his cheek, feeling the soft stubble lightly scratching his palm. Patrick ran his hands reverently up the back of David’s thighs. David squeezed his eyes shut fully leaning into the feeling of his husband’s warmth on his skin.

  
They’d been married a few years before they started playing this game. When David suggested it, Patrick worried that it meant the magic was fading but he decided to give it a try anyway. There was something so unexpectedly fun and hot about putting their wedding rings in a velvet lined jewelry box and driving to a bar together, holding hands but not speaking. They alternated roles and on nights like this, he’d watch David saunter into the bar and go for a short drive around town, letting David get “into character”.

  
David purred out a moan as Patrick looked up at him through his light brown lashes and licked a complete circle around the tip of his cock. His thighs shook trying not to thrust his hips.

  
“You are _so_ good to me, baby…”

  
The comment made Patrick’s pulse race. He sealed his lips around David’s cock and sucked ardently. He jerked himself off while David pulled his hair. He’d grown out his curls when David mentioned how good he looked in some pictures he’d seen from Patrick’s university days.

  
Patrick ran his thumb over his wet slit and hummed his anticipation around David’s cock.

  
“I think you can take it out now, Patrick,” David’s voice was breathy and desperate.

  
He let David’s cock slip from his mouth and he pressed his lips to the short-cropped black hair around it while he squeezed David’s ass until he stepped back. David shot Patrick a scandalous look before he turned around and bent over. Patrick slid one hand, wet with his precum up and down David’s cock as he snuck his fingers around the flared base of the medium-sized silicone plug David had been wearing for most of the day. Patrick placed a series of soft, loving kisses to the flesh of David’s ass while he eased it out slowly.

  
“Mmmmm…” David arched his back, both relishing the sensation and immediately missing the feeling of fullness in his body. The sooner Patrick filled him up again, the better and he knew his husband had every intention of doing so.

  
Patrick let the toy drop to the floor on the towel he’d placed there earlier that night for exactly that purpose. David flattened his palms on the bed and Patrick knelt behind him, sliding his thick middle finger in and out of David’s wide-open hole.

  
“Fuck, David,” he groaned, leaned forward and slowly licked up from his taint, stopping to tease his hole.

The smirk raced off of David’s face and his jaw dropped in a moan. He rocked back and fucked himself on Patrick’s tongue and his finger. He felt dynamite exploding in his veins and the room started to spin. Once again, David lamented the absence of Patrick’s touch as his husband rose up from his knees. He dropped down to rest on his forearms.

  
Patrick felt entirely self-satisfied seeing David so desperate for it. He didn’t take his eyes off of David’s ass sticking up when he stalked to the bureau and shook their rings out of the jewelry box into his palm. Whatever the roleplay was that got them to this point, Patrick insisted that they be themselves again when they had sex. He closed his fingers around the rings and went back to the bed. He splayed his palm between David’s shoulder blades to hold him down and he easily pushed his wedding band down his left ring finger. He pinched his own ring between his thumb and forefinger, holding it out for David.  
Patrick ran his tongue up David’s neck and whispered in his ear.

  
“Put it on me, Babe.”

  
“Mmm...put it _in_ me...” David whined like a petulant child and shook his ass side to side.

  
Patrick chuckled darkly. “Oh, you know I will. First things first.”

  
“Always so organized.” David grinned and turned his hand over, letting Patrick drop his ring into his palm. He gently slid the gold band past the second knuckle and kissed it, just as he did at their wedding; just as he did every time he put Patrick’s wedding ring back on. Satisfied, Patrick retrieved the bottle of lube from his nightstand. He waited for David to look his way before he slicked himself up and watched David wet his lower lip.

  
Patrick positioned himself behind David, who widened his stance and braced himself. He yelped when Patrick’s palm made contact with his ass on the left side. He teased the head of his cock against David’s pink entrance and spanked him again. And again. He smoothed his palm over his vibrating skin, red from his strong hands.

  
“You like that, don’t you? You _fucking_ love it.”

  
David had let his head drop, his forehead resting on their duvet and mumbled into the Egyptian cotton. Patrick smacked his ass again, harder than before and David bit back an obscene sound.

  
“Do you want more?” Patrick pushed three fingers in him without warning and got David to moan with the volume and intensity he preferred. He caressed the pad of his middle finger back and forth across David’s core and his knees threatened to buckle.

  
“Patrick, please…” David arched his back and cried out again when Patrick continued to spank and finger him.

  
“I’m going to make you cum. You’re so fucking sexy like this David…” Patrick worked his fingers faster and David’s grunts and groans grew more desperate.

  
“You’re going to cum and then I’m going to fuck you raw.” Keeping his fingers moving at pace, Patrick’s free hand reached between the mattress and box spring, locating the sateen pouch with little difficulty. He’d hidden it there when he made the bed that morning.

  
A whispered “Oh" slipped through David’s lips when he looked back and watched Patrick pull the pink toy out of the red bag they kept it in. The shaft was barely the width of his thumb but the egg-shaped bulb at the end of it delivered intense, delicious vibrations. He sucked air between his teeth at the buzzing sound when Patrick turned it on. He teased around David’s asshole once before gently sliding it inside him.

  
“Ugh…fuck…that's…fuck…so good…” David whined.

  
Patrick massaged David’s shoulder, pulling him backward, letting the vibrator slide in further. David started whining rhythmically and bucked back into it.

  
“Mm...that’s right Baby...” Patrick held the vibrator in place and turned up the intensity a little. He watched David clutch the duvet in his clenched fists.

  
“Patrick...fuck...fuck...oh fuck...so close...fuck...”

  
David took the matter into his own hands, so to speak, and very quickly thereafter had shot his load on the floor. Patrick lowered the speed of the toy gradually as David continued to buck and cry out with a series of aftershocks. He placed a few simple kisses on his husband’s hip. David’s legs couldn’t hold him up anymore and his entire weight fell forward to the mattress as he panted and shook.  
Patrick carefully let the toy land on the towel next to the plug.

  
“You ok, Babe? Can you move?” He chuckled a little at David’s sweaty, boneless body bearing the marks from his hands.

  
“Mm? Mmhmm…” It was all David could manage to say.

  
“Up on the bed, please.” Patrick’s manners were unparalleled.

  
David willed himself to crawl at a snail’s pace until he was face down on his pillow. He heard the mattress creak slightly as Patrick knelt up on it. He kissed and licked a meandering path up David’s legs and torso until he was almost completely on top of him. David popped an eyebrow feeling Patrick’s impatient cock pressing against his skin.

  
“I know why you told me to keep my t-shirt on. Naughty boy,” Patrick teased the skin behind David’s ear as he whispered.

  
David grinned and chuckled a bit, forcing himself to slowly turn over.

  
“Oh you do, huh? Whaddya waiting for then?” He snapped.

  
Patrick’s hand found its way to the side of David’s throat, squeezing gently as he pushed his tongue into his mouth.

  
“You’re a bossy, bratty bottom; have I told you that recently?”

  
David nodded. “Three of my five favorite B words,” he said smirking.

  
Patrick cocked his head. “Bitchy and…”

  
David laughed and pulled Patrick down for a deep kiss.

  
“Brewer and Babe are the other two, for your information.”

  
“Noted.”

  
“K. Can you tie me up now?”

  
Patrick laughed and kissed him again. He reached behind his head and tugged the tight t-shirt over his head. David cooperated and lifted his wrists to the headboard.

  
Patrick looped one strap around David’s wrist and twisted it until it tightened to the point of making him grimace. He threaded the shirt behind the slats of the headboard and continued twisting it until there was just enough space in the opposite arm hole to fit David’s other wrist through it.

  
“Is it too tight?” He asked quietly, admiring his handiwork.

  
“Tight but not too tight. It’s a shame really. I was hoping for friction burns,” he sighed heavily.

  
“Such a brat,” Patrick playfully slapped David on the cheek. David’s hips bucked a little at the sensation.

  
“Mm. You can do that a little harder, if you feel the need to.”

  
“David?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“Shut the fuck up and spread your legs.”


End file.
